How Gottman Couples Counseling Can Improve Your Relationship
Let’s face it, adulting and relationships can be some of the most labor-intensive, emotionally compelling, and difficult ‘work’ we engage in with others. Our interpersonal coupled relationships are no exception.
The decision to participate in couples counseling requires courage. It isn’t easy to acknowledge things could be better, and the unfamiliarity of counseling can cause you to hesitate with moving forward. Apprehension or frustration can be created when you begin the process of coordinating everything necessary–from navigating insurance and the financial aspects of participating in counseling, juggling individual and family schedules, to finding a provider, can seem too much at times. Even so, you may hesitate, wondering if what you are experiencing is really that big of a deal or worse yet, can counseling even help. Motivation to act can be impacted by many things and many couples become stalled in the processes that occur before the actual counseling takes place.
Why do people attend couples counseling? Counseling is sought to address a variety of concerns, to include and not limited to: Breakdowns in communication; trust issues secondary to deception, lying, or infidelity; problems within the emotional and/or physical relationship; developing a deeper understanding, connection, and intimacy; overcoming lifechanging event(s); discovering and processing unidentified issues or targeted/specific concerns; and navigating life transition events–just to name a few.
Gottman Couples Therapy, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, is a highly respected and evidence-based approach to couples counseling. Grounded in decades of research on relationship dynamics, this therapy aims to help couples strengthen their connection, improve communication, and navigate conflicts more effectively. Here are several ways Gottman Couples Therapy can benefit you:
Understanding Relationship Dynamics: Gottman Couples Therapy begins with an assessment to understand the unique dynamics of your relationship. Through structured interviews, questionnaires, and observations, the therapist gains insights into the strengths and challenges you and your partner face.
Enhanced Communication Skills: Effective communication is at the core of a healthy relationship. The therapy provides tools and techniques to improve communication, helping couples express their needs, concerns, and feelings in a constructive manner. This includes active listening, expressing empathy, and avoiding destructive communication patterns.
Conflict Resolution: The Gottman Method identifies specific patterns of conflict, known as the "Four Horsemen" (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling), and offers strategies to manage and resolve conflicts. Couples learn to address issues without escalating tensions, fostering a more collaborative problem-solving approach.
Building Emotional Connection: Emotional intimacy is crucial for a thriving relationship. Gottman Couples Therapy focuses on nurturing emotional connection by encouraging couples to express fondness and admiration for each other, fostering a deeper understanding of each other's emotions and needs.
Creating Shared Meaning: Successful relationships often involve creating shared values, goals, and traditions. The therapy helps couples identify and build upon the shared meaning in their relationship, fostering a sense of unity and purpose.
Addressing Relationship Myths: The Gottman Method challenges common relationship myths and misconceptions. By providing evidence-based insights into what makes relationships work, it helps couples develop more realistic expectations and a deeper understanding of the complexities of long-term partnerships.
Intimacy and Romance: Gottman Couples Therapy explores ways to maintain and enhance intimacy and romance in the relationship. This includes addressing factors such as physical affection, sexual satisfaction, and maintaining a positive emotional connection.
Post-Traumatic Growth: For couples facing challenging life events or crises, the therapy helps facilitate post-traumatic growth. Couples can learn to navigate difficulties together, strengthening their bond in the face of adversity.
Preventive Measures: Even if your relationship is currently stable, Gottman Couples Therapy can serve as a preventive measure. By addressing potential issues and building relationship skills, couples can create a solid foundation for long-term success.
Gottman Couples Therapy is a comprehensive and research-backed approach that provides practical tools and strategies to enhance your relationship. Whether you are facing specific challenges or simply want to strengthen your connection, this therapy offers a roadmap for building a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.
Where should you begin? Develop an action plan that includes days and times you are both available and, if necessary, plan for childcare or coverage for other family obligations. Check with your insurance provider to determine if couples counseling is covered and what your portion of the expense will be. If the sessions will occur with a counselor out of your insurance provider network or as private pay, ask if a sliding fee scale is available to reduce your out of pocket expense–most providers offer sliding fee scale so be sure to ask! Lastly, locate a provider you both agree on and ask to participate in a free consultation to ensure they might be a good fit for you.
